Mar 25, 2010

The Art of Reflection

..... its about 1:59am and im listening to busta rhymes when disaster strikes album.
I've just got back from uni and i cant sleep because i'm stressed out not to mention i am a serial insomniac, my stress levels are to the point were my chest is hurting and ive had constant tension headaches.
Like at first i thought it will go away but its been hurting me since about monday or so....
Since the beginning of the year  things have been extremely fucked up for me and people think i am just being emotional for  the sake of being emotional however... i am grateful that i am alive and well, there are people who dont even have food to eat or water to drink and i have the things at my dispense but at the same time im human and i need TIME OUT.
Anyone who knows me knows that i am a very happy person i am and have always been the life and soul of any party/gathering whatever. As of lately i have been feeling like im 'surrounded by many yet still alone'...Im not someone who expresses themselves much or an emotionally needy person but for the first time in life i can say that, that saying applies to me. Starting with one of my closet friend she has just got married and had a baby recently i don't get to speak to her as much and i have found her to be quiet influential in my life.... since shes been married its been hard enough to talk to her but now since baby has arrived its more or less been impossible to speak to her and all my other besties are more or less out there tryna get there own life on.
Obviously I know i have friends and family out there that really care about me and stuff but for some reason i just feel like i need to draw my self away from people..... and regain consciousness of what i really need in life
where am i really going?
what do i need to do?
In all of my 22 years i've never felt so out of sync with my self both emotionally and physically. Is this the transition of going from girl to woman? im not sure .....Life seems to be going from bad to worse... and i guess the best is yet to come how fun would life be if everything came instantly on time as you want when you want it?
I have to admit that the events of this week did not help the state of mind im in right now either... i am still finding it very difficult to talk about, but this chapter in my life needed to expire and i just need to move on there is a saying 'with hardship comes ease' and i of all people know that this is true however... this person has taken something away from me and there is no way I'm getting it back and i just have to pick my pieces up and move on.
there are times when i feel like asking God if i've done something wrong or is it just me putting myself in dumb situations with out the guidance of God ......I dont know either way the moral of the story is i need time out from

  • My environment
  • Work 
  • The people i hang out with
  • School 
  • my social network 
I just feel like recently shit has been hitting my side of the fan and i realllyyyy need a break from everything, dont worry im not suicidal lol i just needed the art of reflection.

2 comments:

Florie said...

umm i really really love you and you're an amazing person.. my redundant ears are always here,
i pray this shitty phase soon comes to pass.
x

Hannarnia said...

thanks boo

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